


good boys aren't gay

by justajoke99



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Self-Acceptance, light but non descriptive violence, one instance of homophobic language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:47:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25686043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justajoke99/pseuds/justajoke99
Summary: Cody Ko is a lot of things.Funny, short, a good diver, self conscious, attractive (if you ask him), anxious, smart.Cody Ko is a lot of things.But Cody Ko isn’t gay.
Relationships: Aleena (Tiny Meat Gang)/Kelsey Kreppel, Cody Ko/Noel Miller, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 69





	good boys aren't gay

**Author's Note:**

> hello all back with another quick oneshot. i had this idea and wanted to write it so here it is lmao. as always this doesn't reflect my views of the boys and their respective partners or relationships.
> 
> feel free to leave me constructive criticism/comments, they are always welcome!!
> 
> p.s. also!! if u haven't read fleury's fic "there's this old saying" you should!! it's a really well done internalized homophobia fic.

Cody Ko is a lot of things.

Funny, short, a good diver, self conscious, attractive (if you ask him), anxious, smart.

Cody Ko is a lot of things.

But Cody Ko isn’t _gay_.

Just the thought is ridiculous to him. There is no way the captain of the diving team is gay, that just like, didn’t happen.

Cody first learns he _isn’t_ gay at Julian Driver’s 13th birthday party. It’s late at night, technically early morning, but they don’t give a shit, they’re hopped up on grape Crush and their eyes are twitching as they play another round of Super Smash on Julian’s _totally sick_ GameCube. They’re talking, lowly, so Julian’s mom doesn’t hear them.

“Do you guys ever get so annoyed at someone else that you just wanna like, kiss them?” Cody asks.

Julian and another boy, Michael Han set down their controllers.

“What?” They say, looking to Cody.

“You know, like you’re so frustrated in a basketball game or at lunch that you just wanna like, kiss the other person?”

Julian and Michael look at each other and then burst out into laughter. Cody suddenly feels very cold, and his stomach is turning from the combination of skittles, pepperoni pizza and grape Crush.

“Sounds like you’re gay, Cody”

“What, no? No! Not at all, it’s just like, tension or some shit!” He knows his mom doesn’t want him cursing, but here it feels justified.

“No, sounds like you’re a _fag_ ,” Michael sneers, the word drips with hatred and he looks at Cody like he’s a piece of gum stuck to his shoe.

Tears are welling up in Cody’s eyes now.

“What, is the lil gay boy gonna cry now?” Julian mocks.

“Fuck off,” Cody mutters, standing up quickly and grabbing his backpack and haphazardly shoving his sleeping bag back into its bag. Cody hurries down the stairs and out the front door and starts running from the Driver’s house. He stops after he’s run about a half a mile away and vomits pepperonis and grape crush.

Cody Ko is not gay.

**16**

Cody Ko is dating the captain of the cheer team. She’s nice enough, got black curly hair and bright blue eyes and a gorgeous body and a great personality but Cody can’t seem to want to be anything more than a friend. Kelsey seems the same way. They mostly date because it’s expected, but they both wipe their lips after their first kiss, and there seems to be an unspoken agreement about them.

It’s late at night on a Saturday, Cody’s parents are out of town, he invited Kelsey over, and the entire diving team was texting him to tell him to “use protection”. He rolled his eyes. He and Kelsey watched Clueless and ate cheese pizza (no more pepperoni for him) and just talked. It’s 3am when Kelsey, with tears in her eyes, looks over at Cody who’s staring a little too intensely at Paul Rudd.

“Cody?” He hums in response.

“I think I’m... i’m gay,” she finishes, as tears spill out onto her cheeks. Cody whips his head around so fast he nearly gives himself whiplash. He takes a moment to collect himself, what the hell does he say?

“That’s, that’s ok, Kels, do you like anyone?” He asks, looking at her who’s hiding her face in her hands.

“Yeah, one of the other cheer girls, Aleena, we’ve um, been flirting,”

“That’s hot,” Cody mentally hits himself over the head, but he doesn’t have to imagine the pain because Kelsey wacks him atop the head with a pillow.

“What about you?”

Cody looks at Kelsey confused.

“You know what I mean, I’m not the only one hiding things here.”

“No, no, I’m not, gay, how could you think that? I’ll cover for you Kels, but me, no, never. Boobs all the way,” Cody manages to stammer out, but Kelsey just hums and goes back to watching Cher.

The gears are turning in Cody’s head now. He wasn’t gay. He’s known he wasn’t gay ever since Julian’s birthday party. There’s no way.

**18**

Cody’s at a Duke frat party, crossfaded and nursing a Coors Light. He leans over to one of the guys next to him and giggles, “Yo bro, I think I’m gay,”

The other man starts laughing, but when he looks at Cody, his expression changes.

“Like, actually?” He asks. The look on Cody’s face says it all. The next thing Cody remembers is Bryce or Brent or whoever cocking his fist back and knocking Cody straight on the nose. Cody’s on the ground, and this asshole is throwing punches wherever he can place them, and calling Cody words he hasn’t heard with such malice since Julian Driver’s birthday party.

Cody Ko is not gay.

Eventually, the guy is pulled off the top of Cody and Cody bolts out the front door of the frat house and wanders until he makes it back to his dorm (by some sort of miracle). His roommate, Noel opens the door after Cody’s insistent pounding - _where the hell are his keys?_ \- and is shocked to see a bruised and bloodied Cody wobbling at their door. He ushers Cody in and badgers him with questions.

“It’s nothing. Jus’ som’ swim team bullshit,” he lies, pressing his face into his pillow ( _everything fucking hurts_ ).

“Ok,” Noel says warily, putting his headphones back on, but keeping his peripheral vision on Cody.

The next week, when Cody’s bruises have faded more or less and he’s out at swim practice, Noel rifles through his side of the room. It’s wrong, he knows, but he cares a lot about Cody, and maybe has the world’s tiniest crush on him, and wants to know why Cody came home looking so battered. He comes across an old composition notebook, the handwriting on the front labeling it:

_codY KolodzieJzyk 3rd grade._

The first few pages are innocent, Noel feels dirty flipping through it. There’s a day though, Cody has the top labeled 7/15/2003.

_“Julian Driver and Michael Han can be quiet. They don’t know what they’re talking about. I just hope they don’t tell anyone else. I am not gay. I am not gay. I am not gay. I am not gay. I am not gay. I am not gay.”_

Noel’s heart catches a bit in his throat. There’s more and more days like this. Cody repeating the same sentence over and over, seeming to be trying to convince himself.

Noel stops when he gets to a page labeled: 9/24/2008, that was last week, the day after Cody came back all fucked up.

_“I don’t know what got into me, reminder to self: don’t get crossfaded and tell frat bros ur gay, it doesn’t work out. but it doesn’t even matter, because i’m not gay. I am not gay. I am not gay. I am not gay. I am not gay. I am not gay. I am not gay. remember what pastor mike said: “good boys aren’t gay cody.”_

Tears well up in Noel’s eyes. Cody was in deep deep denial. Noel is so focused on the heartbreak on the pages that he doesn’t even hear the door to their shared dorm open.

“What. The. Fuck.” Cody says, lunging towards Noel to tear the notebook out of his hands.

“This is my personal stuff, dude! Whatever the fuck you think you saw, you didn’t, because that’s not me. I don’t go through your shit so why the hell did you touch mine? Just forget what you saw, because I am Not GAY!” Cody yells to Noel while clutching the notebook to his chest. Tears are threatening to spill over his eyes. Noel puts his hands up and slowly approaches Cody.

“Cody,”

“Don’t! No! I am not gay like you probably are Miller, don’t touch me!”

Noel moves even closer. Cody is full blown crying at this point.

“I’m not gay,” he whispers, sagging a bit. Noel takes the opportunity to wrap his arms around Cody and pull him into a tight embrace. He can feel Cody’s damp hair from his shower in the locker room, but Noel’s shirt is being dampened by Cody’s rampant tears.

“It’s ok if you are,” Noel whispers.

_“Good boys aren’t gay, Noel”_

Noel pulls back from Cody.

“Pastor Mike sounds like a homophobic asshole. You can be whoever you want, Cody. This one part of you doesn’t define you as a whole. Look at me, I’m a programmer, a shitty stand up comedian and your roommate, and yeah, I’m gay, but you don’t know me as that, you know me as Noel. That’s all I’d ever see you as. Cody, my roommate who happens to also like guys.”

Cody sobs harder, feeling an acceptance and warmth he’s never felt before. Noel rubs his back soothingly and after a long while Cody pulls back.

“I think I’m gay.”

“That’s ok.” Noel reassures, keeping a tight grip on Cody’s shoulders. and in an instant, Cody leans in to kiss Noel.

**22**

Cody Ko is a lot of things.

Funny, short, a good diver, self conscious, attractive (if you ask him), anxious, smart.

Cody Ko is a lot of things.

And gay is one of them.


End file.
